Celebrities may lead the way in big fashion blunders, but even when they have a ghastly outfit on they tend to stick to the golden rules of style, such as not having a visible panty line (VPL) or showing off muffin tops in all their glory.

This might not stop them from getting wasted and showing off their panties to all and sundry, but at least they start off by sticking to the rules.

Muffin tops are bottom of the class: If you squeeze your belly, however bulgy or small it might be, into a pair of trousers or a skirt that’s too small, your belly has no other option but to overspill. The result is an ugly muffin top, which you can make out of the smallest of bellies if you wear the wrong size.

Whenever anything cuts into your belly or even feels snug, it’s too small. When trying things on, sit down to see what happens to your belly, as muffin tops are at their plumpest then.

Cleavage in all the wrong places: In a similar situation, if you wear a bra that’s too small, your boobs will spill over into your armpits, which isn’t the kind of cleavage that blokes go for. You will also probably get ugly muffins in your back too.

If you’ve been wearing the same bra size for years and your weight has crept up, you’re probably wearing the wrong bra size. The key is to make sure your bra is the correct size around your back and that you adjust the straps to allow for more room in the cups.

VPLs and knickers up your bum: Many women compare G-strings to cheese cutters, which is not a bad comparison if you’re not used to having material wedges up there all day. If you can’t bear the intrusion and love your big pants, choose a brief that completely covers your bottom if you want to avoid a VPL.

Boys’ short-style briefs and hipster briefs are best. These also avoid the unpleasant but necessary situation of pulling your knickers out of your bottom when walking down the street. As a bonus, they also stop a bit of wobble too.

If you can wear a G-string without wincing, don’t flash them off above your jeans unless you like the trailer park trash look. Get yourself some low-rise strings that stay private even when you bend down.

Having them all on show: Even if you’re wearing the right bra and knickers, you’re not quite home free yet. Pay attention to the colour of your underwear and your clothes. The most common mistake is wearing a white bra because you’re wearing a white or light coloured top. Light fabrics are naturally a little see-through, which means your underwear will shine through. This applies to knickers as well. If you’re wearing light colours, put on nude underwear. If you are very dark skinned, you should wear black underwear.

Tripping over your trousers: You can lengthen your legs to rival those of a supermodel’s if you wear slightly too long trousers with killer heels. However, if you wear long trousers with flats, it will look as if you’re wearing the wrong trousers and your legs will look shrunken.

As a rule, the hem of your trousers should fall 2cm down your heel, but this does cause a bit of a problem when you want to wear the same pair of trousers with both flats and heels.

There’s no easy answer for this other than buying two different lengths or not going from one heel extreme to another.

Picture caption: Show business – not good say the fashion gurus. Some men might disagree.

MyVillage, 03rd January