Is it the eye contact? Or maybe it is the touching of the hair?  How do you stop yourself looking like a gangly teenager in front of someone you fancy? With the help of Flirting Expert, Dr Cecilia d’Felice and Maureen Rice, Editor of Psychologies Magazine here are a few handy tips to get the romantic ball rolling…

Flirting can be awkward. Do we know when we’re doing it, and are we doing it right? 
Cecilia d’Felice: I think it can be a bit of a minefield, especially if you’ve got a lot riding on it, if you really fancy somebody for example it really ups the stakes, but I think we can think about flirting as – in encompassing a whole host of behaviours that are really about making people feel good, and being interested in them and showing them that.

How do you get it back if you feel you’ve maybe lost a bit of attention?
Maureen Rice: Well that’s one I’d really like to know, because I think flirting is a dance – you know you make a move and then the other person has to make a move back. But if you make a move and the other person doesn’t seem to reciprocate the move, or you think it was going well and now it’s not, that’s the bit where it gets tricky, where people start to panic or lose confidence, and I would really like to know what you do at that point

Cecilia d’Felice: Well it’s a very good point and I think the thing to do is always try and do the thing that worked before, because that’s probably the most likely route back to engaging again and making that connection, so there are things going on in your early bit of the conversation where it felt very good and reciprocal. Just go back to doing that because maybe you’ve just stepped over and you’re just trying a bit too hard and the other person is getting a little bit freaked out by it. And then just going back to something a bit more relaxed, a bit more casual, will bring them back again.

You can be a confident person but when it comes to ‘the’ person you fancy you can go shy.  Any advice?
Cecilia d’Felice: Yes and I think that’s the thing to do is just keep practicing on people where it’s not so loaded and having lots and lots of fun with it. Flirt with the guy who sells you your paper, flirt with the person that drives the bus, you know flirt with everybody, but when it comes to the guy that you really like then you’re sort of going to feel more comfortable and it’s not going to feel so intense because you already know you’ve done a lot of practice.

Some say it’s the guy’s job to ask out a girl.  Do you think it’s true and if not, how can women pluck up the courage to do it?
Cecilia d’Felice: Do you know I think men just love it when they’re asked out, because it makes such a change.  Men have a really hard time of it, they’re used to rejection after rejection after rejection because it’s them that have to ask the girls out, and for a woman to go up and ask a man out I think it would just make his day. If he says no it doesn’t matter, you’ll still have made someone’s day and that’s the whole point about flirting, it makes people feel good, so do it anyway as long as you don’t have a huge attachment to the outcome.

Is teasing a good thing?
Cecilia d’Felice: Well teasing is one of those things where you have to read the clues really carefully because some people are very sensitive and if they’re not used to being teased, for example if they don’t come from a big family, they’re an only child or something like that, they won’t have the same sort of experiences. If you notice that somebody doesn’t like being teased, stop teasing, but some people do really like being teased and it’s often a very good way of getting a man to relax and to create that intimacy that you’re really after.

Do you think men are not as good at flirting as women?
Cecilia d’Felice: I think – they say one of the most famous flirts in London is John Mortimer, whose 85 and in a wheelchair, and everyone in London adores him, and he said “at my age darling I forget everybody’s name, so I just say darling you look fantastic to every woman I meet” – and that actually every woman adores him.  Some men, like some women are just very naturally good at making people feel good about themselves.

When it comes to flirting some people can be too pushy or cocky just to hide their nerves, have you got any advice?
Maureen Rice: Yes, two sides of – extreme shyness or extreme cockiness, all coming from the same place.
Cecilia d’Felice: I think, it deals with recognising that problem, and the fact that recognising it means that he can do something about it. 

Would you say there are dos and don’ts of flirting?
Cecilia d’Felice: I think if you don’t know somebody very well, and it’s the first time you’ve seen them in the room or whatever, be subtle and not stand-offish or play hard to get.  But by being subtle, you don’t need to throw yourself at somebody. 

Men like a little bit of mystery.  So be subtle, be gentle, and be feminine, you know men like feminine women, be feminine, and allow your personality to shine because that’s the sexiest thing that you have. It’s your personality, doesn’t matter what size you are, doesn’t matter how gorgeous you are, or whatever, it’s your personality, that’s the thing that people are going to find attractive, so let that be the thing that shines.

MyVillage, 05th February